I'm Not Sealand!
by rev lady mal
Summary: Just pure silliness. What would happen if some of our favorite nations were contestants on a popular game show? America, Belarus, Lithuania, Poland, Russia


"Who's the next contestant … ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT!"

The all too familiar jingle played over the studio loud speakers as television cameras panned around the audience to catch a glimpse of the lucky new player to join the other three at the front of the stage. "Drew, the next contestant is … RUSSIA! Come on down, you're the next contestant on THE PRICE IS RIGHT!"

It didn't take long for one of the cameras to find the tall country shoving his way past knees and gleefully stepping on feet as he made his way to the aisle and down to the empty position between Belarus and America, the latter clapping with enough enthusiasm to not look like an asshole on camera, the former jumping up and down with delight as she watched her beloved brother join them at his podium. She blew him a kiss once he stood there, beaming with happiness at being selected; failing to notice him leaning back slightly to stay out of range. The contestant on the opposite end, Poland, rolled his eyes and golf clapped.

"Welcome Russia, good luck to ya! Mitch, what's the next prize up for bid on the Price Is Right?"

"Well Drew its … LITHUANIA!"

A beautiful, scantily clad woman came out leading a shaking, terrified Lithuania on stage. The camera panned down to the four contestants to show the TV viewers at home their reactions to the new prize. Poland's eyes lit up when he saw his long time-friend and he began clapping vigorously. America's face broke into a wide grin when he saw his former employee and he stopped clapping long enough to give Lithuania thumbs up. Lithuania nodded slightly and gave him a weak smile until his eyes fell on Russia, who simply grinned and waved, "Hi Liet!" he said, blushing. Belarus stared adoringly at her brother, euphoric that she was on TV standing next to him for the entire world to see.

"Thank you Manuela, now Russia, this is how it works, you bid what you think is closest to the actual price of the prize and you get to come up here on stage with me and win some more! Are you ready?"

Russia's child-like face filled the TV monitors at home. "Da!"

"Great, and since you're the new guy here, you get to bid first!"

"Ahhh, actually, I will let America bid first." Russia said, still smiling innocently.

"Uh … that's a bit unconventional Russia, but if that's the way you want it … America, what do you bid on Lithuania?"

America glanced over at Russia, then shrugged his shoulders and shouted "Drew I bid the 2008 GDP of Lithuania!"

There was awkward, dead silence, "America, that's 63 billion dollars."

America blinked, "Wow, really? That much?" He looked Lithuania up and down, wondering if the shaking country was worth it, failing to notice the dark shadow masking over Russia's face and smirked. "Do it Drew!" He looked back at Russia just then and noticed the taller country giving him a bone-chilling glare. America gulped, but waited for Poland to bid next.

"But there's not enough room on the … oh what the hell. Poland, you're next!"

Poland bounced up and down like a pogo stick and shouted, "Don't worry Liet, I'm totally going to win! Drew, I bid my prettiest horse, Princess Sparkle Pony!"

"You're bidding … a horse."

"Like, not just any horse Drew, Princess Sparkle Pony!"

"Fine, Poland bids … Princess Sparkle Pony. Belarus! What do you bid?"

Belarus nonchalantly played with the bow in her hair using the blade of her knife as a mirror. "What? Oh …" She glanced at Lithuania for a second then said. "I bid this wad of chewed up gum and whatever I just picked out of my teeth with my knife." On stage Lithuania blushed when he realized Belarus actually looked at _him_.

"Um. Okay...Russia, we're back to you, what is your bid?"

Russia smiled up at Drew, "I bid this liver I found last week." He held up a large, brown, quivering mass dripping dark fluid all over his podium.

Belarus looked at it, "Brother, are you sure that's not your liver?" She bent down and sniffed it. "Smells like vodka."

Russia looked at it a little closer, "Hmmm … maybe?"

"O-okay. And the closest bid to the actual retail price is..." A whoosh went by far too close to Drew Carrey's ear, followed by a distinct 'twaaaaaang' sound, he looked behind him to see a knife blade sticking into the set, still quivering from the throw. He looked down at his four contestants and saw Belarus gripping the sides of her podium, glaring at him with pure menace in her eyes and growling at him. Drew Carrey swallowed before speaking, "… A week old liver! Russia you're the winner come on up here!"

Belarus and Russia looked at each other, then screamed and started jumping up and down, hugging each other in celebration. Then Russia broke the embrace and ran to the stairs, America and Poland both frowning at him as he passed by.

"Oh, fuck me," Lithuania mumbled, watching Russia bounce way up on stage and sweep Drew Carrey up into a bone-crushing hug.

Russia wrapped his scarf around Lithuania's neck and pulled him close. "As you wish Liet!" The expression on his face was euphoric.

"Congratulations Russia! So, where are you from and what do you do?"

The tall country blinked, "I am Russia, da? I am a large country in Asia."

" … Right … well, here is the next fabulous prize you could win!"

"It's a romantic vacation for two to … SIBERIA!"

Russia Squeed with delight, jumping up and down. TV audiences everywhere couldn't help but see the tears streaming down Lithuania's face.

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Author's note: I was asked to do it, k?


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